LaLaLife is good

So things have changed considerably since my last post. you read that the excitement of my week was watching hocus pocus (seriously - i love that movie!) but when you think about it being in LA and a movie being the highlight of your week?? ok.

I was totally stressing about buying a shitty shitty bang bang (car)..
little did I know you had to get the car to have a smog check (for faults..) and if you bought it not knowing you would have to pay more money...then get it registered with proof of smog..then obviously gas...parking money..etc. I have no job. running low on cash...it really wasn't working out without a job (or a working visa - which is making it 10 x harder getting ANY job, so yes, i am not a weird person that can't get a job, i don't have a bloody visa - giving me the shits to be honest - as you can imagine)
last week i had been going to cafes/retail/restaraunts etc asking for a job - 'where are you from?
'australia'
'do you have a visa?'
'i'm on a tourist visa but i have a SS'
'sorry can't hire you but some places will'

After many attempts of trying to get a job, finding a car - i was thoroughly exhausted. i took one day as time out. i thought to myself, i just can't afford to get a car, i can't get a job without a visa. all was failing. i told my family i was coming home november. i had actually given up. i tried everything. i was at my lowest point. couldn't go further.

at that moment of giving up - my friend msg'd me saying i could borrow her car. amazing. i have known her for just over a month. i couldn't believe it & forever thankful. so taking it as a sign. i must stay. I believe it is a sign. I am going to stay. stick it through. make it happen.

time is money, money is time

argh.

today i woke up feeling stressed. i have this months rent covered but going to be just scraping through next month, if i stay.
it seemed like a set back. i think it is because i didn't accept i was really, well, scared. i finally admitted it to myself and now i don't feel scared. i don't know what is with that? it has made me more determined to stay out here as long as i can. if i must work in a cafe/bar etc job then i will. i will stick it through, i will do it because things happen for people who try.
this is by far the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. coming to LA not knowing anyone. still not really knowing anyone. i can't go over to my best friends house and complain/vent/cry about:
there is no real coffee here!
no thats not all ;)
about:
not having a car(!)
mexican men being sleezy - sorry if you are mexican and aren't sleezy but can you tell them to stop staring and saying 'hey baby' *shudder*
the homeless that can be a little daunting at times whilst catching public transport
not having my friends here
not having my family here
going home to an empty apartment
waking up to quite
not knowing what is going to happen each day
listening to my mind go a little insane
listening to my heart telling me to stay. relax.
not being able to call home at certain times (time difference)
not getting the jobs i want
not being able to get a car because i dont have a job
not being able to get certain jobs because i dont have a car!
riding to get groceries and having a heavy backpack on the way back - one trip my backpack strap snapped haha was so bad but funny at the same time.
regretting i ate a jar of nutella. it was over 2 days, ok?

ah. enough. i sound like i only complain. i do enjoy my life in LA, that is why i am staying. unfortunately/fortunately i want to work in film/tv production. i am there, just between me and the job is a fence. although the fence didn't stop steven spielberg .. i'll meet the right person who will believe in me. and that is all. it will happen. it doesn't help being impatient :o)