time is money, money is time

argh.

today i woke up feeling stressed. i have this months rent covered but going to be just scraping through next month, if i stay.
it seemed like a set back. i think it is because i didn't accept i was really, well, scared. i finally admitted it to myself and now i don't feel scared. i don't know what is with that? it has made me more determined to stay out here as long as i can. if i must work in a cafe/bar etc job then i will. i will stick it through, i will do it because things happen for people who try.
this is by far the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. coming to LA not knowing anyone. still not really knowing anyone. i can't go over to my best friends house and complain/vent/cry about:
there is no real coffee here!
no thats not all ;)
about:
not having a car(!)
mexican men being sleezy - sorry if you are mexican and aren't sleezy but can you tell them to stop staring and saying 'hey baby' *shudder*
the homeless that can be a little daunting at times whilst catching public transport
not having my friends here
not having my family here
going home to an empty apartment
waking up to quite
not knowing what is going to happen each day
listening to my mind go a little insane
listening to my heart telling me to stay. relax.
not being able to call home at certain times (time difference)
not getting the jobs i want
not being able to get a car because i dont have a job
not being able to get certain jobs because i dont have a car!
riding to get groceries and having a heavy backpack on the way back - one trip my backpack strap snapped haha was so bad but funny at the same time.
regretting i ate a jar of nutella. it was over 2 days, ok?

ah. enough. i sound like i only complain. i do enjoy my life in LA, that is why i am staying. unfortunately/fortunately i want to work in film/tv production. i am there, just between me and the job is a fence. although the fence didn't stop steven spielberg .. i'll meet the right person who will believe in me. and that is all. it will happen. it doesn't help being impatient :o)