Can I decide to decide?

I have had a tough couple of weeks, I'm not going to lie.
I actually cried for the first time a couple of days ago which I don't know why it didn't come sooner. Most days I spend alone and make the most of the fun times I have with the people I have met here. It is funny how you forget how to make the most of a friendship when you are back in your own country. It is a very lonely world in a new city.

It took me a while to realise I have done more than what I was capable of doing.
Achievements:

1) Not knowing anyone before I arrived and making many many friends by putting myself out there. Very nerve wrecking but no point in sitting staring at 4 walls. This also led to a lovely person lending me a car.

2) Have met 8 industry Producers. 2 Casting Directors, 2 Talent agencies in 2 months these are from my own arrangements not accidentally.

3) Secretly gained VIP entry to two events ;) yew!

4) Didn't have to buy any towels! Go to a hotel and just ask for them! and get a free breaky while you are at it. You know that free food tastes better.

5) You can also get into Madame Tussauds for free if you know how and get half price tix to Universal Studios. Twist and Turn :)

6) Travelled on my own in some cities in USA

7) Did get a cafe job without a Visa - its doable.

8) Caught the bus everywhere in LA for the first month and a half. Try it. You'll know what I'm talking about!

9) Saw some famous peeps! and some people from Neighbours (australian show) - don't know which thrilled me more haha!

10) Went to the Playboy Mansion. Saw Heff - think he'll need an oxygen machine soon. Men where gross/seedy, food was great!!! stuffed myself silly.

11) Went to a CAA Halloween Party.

12) Became a volunteer for screenings and met some lovely people and watch great movies!

13) Had some free cupcakes from Sprinkles - Follow them on Twitter!!

14) Supported and relied on me, myself and I. Not many people can do that.

I'm sure I have missed out on some other points.

So besides looking like a con artist, which I don't have a problem with you thinking I am (hehe) I really don't think many people would have achieved what I have in 2 months living in a city where you don't know anyone. It wasn't easy but everyday I told myself, "if it isn't easy you have to do it!"

And over these 2 months I have looked at my plane ticket. I hadn't felt right about going home until the last few days. Things have been building up and not having family or close friends supporting you, living in an apartment on your own it f'n hard!! I have decided that I need a break, I need to go home for now. Recharge. Right now I don't have the energy to go out and fight. I sound ridiculous but I have experimented and I am the one that knows and I have been trying 100% everyday. For now I have done what I can. I am going to enjoy xmas, enjoy friends and family, help organise my sisters wedding. be home. That makes me smile. I know I will be back here in LA. There is no way I can't finish what I want to do here.

To everyone who has read my blog - and I am not sure who has. I wish I could have written more truthfully about vip-ing my way into events but the Internet is to accessible! I had a great time! I also wish I could have gone more in depth about my meetings with Producers, the Producers I met where all very supportive so I do not want to jeopardise my career or ruin trust.

Also if you are coming to LA - be nice and be honest. You will meet the right people. You will know who is fake and you wont have to speak or see them ever again so use them right back! Be what you want to be and be who you are. Don't fight time, just relax, Take your time. I never realised I could take my time, I like things done. I speed throughout my lifes learning curves, studies, I learn quickly etc and I think that is why I won awards and as to why I am so aware of different types of people, I know who to trust straight away. You must trust yourself first and you will go anywhere you want.

I am happy that I have come to the decision that I want to go home for now. I was stressing about what people would think of me coming home. Well I have not given up so why should I care. I love the fact I have learned now, I don't care what people think of me. I really don't! It's fabulous and I love it. I used to think about what people thought of me, I wasted a lot of time and opportunities. If I can sit in front of a Multi Million Dollar Producer and talk about my strong points (that may be an inch of their strong points) and not worry what he/she is thinking well that's wonderful! That's what I have learned on this trip. Who really cares? Do what you want! and I am going home happy! Happy with my achievements here and happy to go home and recharge, happy to come back full throttle. Yew!

Thanks for reading everyone, by reading you are supporting and believing me. Even it if it just one person (Thanks Emma! for your support)! I have really enjoyed my time here. It's been hard but no losses.

For now bye bye and I will be Down Under in a few days!! I can smell it :) desert. no i don't live in the desert and I don't have a kangaroo or a Koala in my backyard!!!

xx